Day 79, originally uploaded by shalimargonzales.
Today, I had to give a presentation about myself to the office. As I was going through photos and decided what to put in my powerpoint. I was reminiscing about how my SEA to LA going away party was a gut check on my life thus far.
There is a difference between typing the e-mail addresses of everyone you know into a g-mail "to" field and seeing those e-mail addresses arrive as people at your going away party. There are a lot of differences.
When you go through your Facebook friends slash brain to be sure you have everyone included it's a simple process of see name, think about person, invite or cut off from life entirely (Wait. Sorry. That's the process of determining who to inform that you have a new cell phone number, which I really need to change to 310).
But when you see those people gathered to say goodbye as you embark on a new phase of life in a city 1K miles away it becomes much more than a "let's have a drink." Each person is like a flood of memories/thoughts/mistakes/successes that can't be separated from the whole experience of your time in the city and yet, in many circumstances, don't know about each others' existence.
It's a mind trip. You sit there like this puppet master with no control of the puppets - like an audience member in the scene you've been acting in for 10+ years.
And then - to make matters all-the-more bizarre - everyone gets drunk and monologues at you about what you mean to them, what you're about to experience in LA, and precisely what they think about that.
GUEST
Shalimar....Shalimarshalimarssshhhaaallliiiimmmaa.....
(pause, sip drink, gather more audience)
Leett me tell you about the first time I met Shhhaaalllimmmaarr Gonzaals...
ME
It's Gonzales.
GUEST
Right. Rightrightrightright.
(pause, sip drink, gather more audience)
Leett me tell you about the first time I met Shhhaaalllimmmaarr Gonzaals...
ME
It's Gonzales.
GUEST
Right. Rightrightrightright.
Again and again and again.
The whole concept of world's colliding is nerve-wracking in and of itself, but when those worlds are colliding in your honor it becomes...overwhelming? awkward? And yet also gratifying, heartwarming, and the like. It's hard to describe and, while incredibly significant to experience, I can't quite recommend moving away just so you can have a going away party. (But if you do that, I won't judge).
I was a lot of things at my Farewell to SEA - nostalgic about the past, grateful for the effort people made to attend, nervous that everyone was having a good time. But mostly, I was proud. Proud of the scene, proud of the memories, proud of what we all accomplished here together.
My life in Seattle was a great, great life because my people in Seattle are great, great people. And while none of that changes, or rather, while none of them change when I left - there is a pausing of this chapter, at that place, at that time. I've been saying, "oh with Facebook and twitter and gchat, I won't be far," but in reality, I will.
My Friday night party was the first time I saw exactly what I was leaving gathered in one room. I was sad. Very sad. I am by no means done with Seattle or itching to leave any of the people in it. But what got me through the night with little-to-no tears was the fact that everyone in that room said, "go." We're excited for you, we believe in you, we think this is right for you, we know you're going to be just fine.
So maybe that's the real purpose of a going away party. Not a "Shalimar, This Is Your Life" session to make you miserable about what you're leaving behind, but for what you're leaving behind to help you realize that they're okay being left.
The whole concept of world's colliding is nerve-wracking in and of itself, but when those worlds are colliding in your honor it becomes...overwhelming? awkward? And yet also gratifying, heartwarming, and the like. It's hard to describe and, while incredibly significant to experience, I can't quite recommend moving away just so you can have a going away party. (But if you do that, I won't judge).
I was a lot of things at my Farewell to SEA - nostalgic about the past, grateful for the effort people made to attend, nervous that everyone was having a good time. But mostly, I was proud. Proud of the scene, proud of the memories, proud of what we all accomplished here together.
My life in Seattle was a great, great life because my people in Seattle are great, great people. And while none of that changes, or rather, while none of them change when I left - there is a pausing of this chapter, at that place, at that time. I've been saying, "oh with Facebook and twitter and gchat, I won't be far," but in reality, I will.
My Friday night party was the first time I saw exactly what I was leaving gathered in one room. I was sad. Very sad. I am by no means done with Seattle or itching to leave any of the people in it. But what got me through the night with little-to-no tears was the fact that everyone in that room said, "go." We're excited for you, we believe in you, we think this is right for you, we know you're going to be just fine.
So maybe that's the real purpose of a going away party. Not a "Shalimar, This Is Your Life" session to make you miserable about what you're leaving behind, but for what you're leaving behind to help you realize that they're okay being left.
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